Lets face it, there hasn’t been a decent presidential mockery toy since the Bill Clinton Growing Nose Watch. That is … until now.
Introducing the The Hillary Clinton Nutcracker
! This marvel of modern technology will leave you in awe as you enjoy your delicious pecans (or peeeecans). This nine inch tall picture-perfect Hillary recreation is sure to make you feel sorry as hell for poor ol’ Bill.
With over 3,000 pounds of pressure Hillary’s thighs of steel crush anything that manages to get caught in between them, making them perfect for cracking your nuts. The The Hillary Clinton Nutcracker is only $16.88, so get yours now.
Warning: Hillary’s thighs may be a bit dusty. Wash thoroughly before using.
Matt March 19th, 2008
Mana is the lifeforce of every nerd. Whether in-game or in the “real” world, mana is what makes you tick. You may not realize it but everytime you take a step you’re consuming mana. If you add up every step you take in a day you’ll realize that you are probably seriously mana deficient (assuming you leave your room).
Sure you can take a nap to restore mana naturally, but everybody knows downtime is for noobs. What you need is Mana Potions from ThinkGeek.
These minibottles of pure, concentrated power are designed to pick you up and keep you karate chopping your friends into the wee hours of the night.
Mana Energy Potion was created with gamers in mind. Each tiny shot (in perhaps the coolest bottle ever) gives you as much get-up-and-kill as 2 Red Bulls® or 4 cups of office coffee (i.e. the crappy kind). Each shot is sorta sweet/tart in a delightful way and will load you up with caffeine and tons of brain boosters (and yet, no sugar). If you want more Mana in your game, then you need more Mana Energy Potion in your life. Mana Energy Potion - because licking your monitor is dumb.
And if all that’s not enough to convince you, you should know there is a nifty super cool sword on the bottle. It’s mad sharp too.
Matt March 17th, 2008
Keeping money safe is an important job. There is an entire industry dedicated to taking your money and locking it in a vault for later use. But why trust your money with a mere mortal?
If you can’t depend on the Jesus Saves Bank then what can you depend on? With all the divine power of Jesus and the convenience of a piggy bank, the Jesus Saves Bank is a great gift for those closest to you.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Isn’t it sacrilegious to turn Jesus into a piggy bank?” No, it’s not.
The Jesus Saves Bank is only $15.99.
Matt March 13th, 2008
Have you ever been trimming those pesky nose hairs and thought…”Hey, I wish this little trimmer had all the comfort of my own finger.” Well fellas (and maybe some ladies), here it is: Finger Nose Hair Trimmer
. This fine piece of machinery has the all the smooth contours of a finger with an half-inch trimmer at the tip. It even comes in a comically delicious box where the finger is jammed right up a cartoon nose.
This product can be a hilarious gag or a funny way to drop a hint. Regardless of who receives it, it is bound to get some laughs.
But most importantly, you will always have an excuse to have your finger up your nose.
Judi March 8th, 2008
Are you in too much of a rush in the morning to worry about breakfast? Do you find that tummy rumbling way before lunch? Then you should try Uncle Oinker’s Gummy Bacon
. It’s packaged and put together just like real bacon. It even LOOKS like bacon. But better than bacon, you can eat it raw! Bystanders will think you are completely crazy! That is until they smell the delicious strawberry scent from this delectable treat. (Because, come on…a bacon flavored gummy probably isn’t good at all.)
Packages come with four thick slices totaling 2.8 ounces.
The only thing this appetizing treat needs is some gummy eggs!
Judi March 4th, 2008
What do you do when you want to slightly inconvenience someone with some sort of projectile? Do you grab the Nerf gun? No. Nerf sucks. What ruin can one cause to another by barraging them with plushy delight? Not a whole lot. I know.
But you don’t want to go overboard either by pulling out the Airsoft rifle or BB gun. So what is one to do?
That’s where the Stink Blaster Gun
comes in.
The Stink Blaster solves the problem of annoying someone with a projectile without the fear of marring them beyond recognition. How you ask? Because it fires air. But not just any air! Really really stinky air. We’re talking nasty. Like ass. Stinky ass.
This toy certainly earns its name, but it is a bit misleading. It honestly isn’t the best “blaster” I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t really shoot all that well. What it really does is fill whatever room you’re in completely with stink. Whether you shoot the thing or not, you’ll be covered in stink. I actually found that just releasing the cap to the cartridge and throwing it at someone was a more effective method of hitting them with stink while avoiding as much of it as possible yourself.
The Stink Blaster is a cheap toy, but it’s a cheap toy that solves a unique problem. Making people stinky. Try it out, it’s only $20.
Matt March 3rd, 2008
